Combining Sentences

Combining Sentences Combining Sentences Combining Sentences By Mark Nichol One cure for flabby prose is greater attention to more lean, muscular writing by, whenever possible, creating a subordinate clause for one sentence by combining another sentence with it. Here are five examples of this approach. 1. Robert Gordon Sproul was a member of the University of California’s class of 1912. He was appointed to serve as comptroller of the university in 1914 and then served as president from 1930 to 1958. The two pieces of biographical information can be unified into one sentence by deleting was in the first sentence and making the rest of the statement a parenthetical, then deleting the subject of the second sentence and combining the subject and parenthesis of the first with the rest of the second: â€Å"Robert Gordon Sproul, a member of the University of California’s class of 1912, was appointed to serve as comptroller of the university in 1914 and then served as president from 1930 to 1958.† 2. â€Å"Senate Bill 7 had been written by the Water and Forest Association. It called for the creation of an unpaid three-member commission.† These sentences can be combined with the same procedure as used in the previous example, but the context may require the addition of which and the retention of â€Å"had been†: â€Å"Senate Bill 7, which had been written by the Water and Forest Association, called for the creation of an unpaid three-member commission.† 3. â€Å"The group meets once a week. During each meeting, students participate in a mini-lesson that explains specific conventions or spelling patterns.† Here, cannibalize the first sentence to insert modifying words or phrases based on the two nouns into the second one: â€Å"During each weekly meeting, students in the group participate in a mini-lesson that explains specific conventions or spelling patterns.† 4. He started work on a project he called Real Life/Reel Life. It was based on a book called Screen Test: How Movie Stars Separate Real Life and Reel Life. Alter the first few words of the second sentence to change it to an introductory subordinate clause, then attach the first sentence to it as the main clause: â€Å"Inspired by a book called Screen Test: How Movie Stars Separate Real Life and Reel Life, he started work on a project he called Real Life/Reel Life.† 5. â€Å"The documentary was based on Major Alexander De Severksy’s book Victory through Air Power, which was published in 1942. The book made the case that the nature of war was changing dramatically.† The easiest revision, â€Å"The documentary, based on Major Alexander De Severksy’s book Victory through Air Power (published in 1942), made the case that the nature of war was changing dramatically,† changes the meaning somewhat, attaching the thesis to the documentary rather than the book (which may be valid, as both the book and film may make the case). Here’s an alternative that preserves the intent of the original sentences: â€Å"The documentary was based on Major Alexander De Severksy’s book, Victory through Air Power, published in 1942, which made the case that the nature of war was changing dramatically.† Want to improve your English in five minutes a day? Get a subscription and start receiving our writing tips and exercises daily! Keep learning! Browse the Style category, check our popular posts, or choose a related post below:Avoid Beginning a Sentence with â€Å"With†Among vs. Amongst10 Types of Hyphenation Errors